soz
Hi,
Well nice of you to find this post. If you don't want to read about me being a little drama queen, then stop reading from now. Well, I can hear you going: you're not a little drama queen, but after you read this, IF you read this, then you might think otherwise. I just want to get all this outta my system, so you really don't need to read the next bit. Well, here goes, and don't think I'm weird after this..i've always been weird.
Well what I wanted to say/ask/ramble on about is: depression. I mean everyone gets depressed once in a while don't they? Well i know i do. it's a sad fact. but that's not what i wanted to say. I also wanted to say, is it still normal if you get it constantly. God, I don't know why i'm telling you this, perfect strangers or best friends out there, but i mean I know everyone has their bad days, but what happens when it turns into a bad week? what happens when what was a once in a long while thing has now turned into a monthly-oh-so-familiar hole that gets deeper everytime you fall into it? Confession: I've been this --> <-- close to full on wanting to commit suicide. It's not a nice thing really, and i hate it.
I actually probably won't ever commit suicide...maybe. When you, Alan, said that i wasn't boring, well actually, that kinda picked me up a little. But actually, my mum made me feel better too. She didn't say anything in particular, but i know she cares. and i think you people do too, or else, why the fuck are you reading this? I know it's gay and all, but little things really do count to someone on the brink of madness.
But seriously, what diff if i did leave this world? Would it affect you? Hopefully. It's just that, when i'm in this hole, i feel like i'm never gonna be as good as anyone else, i'm always a failure, no-one likes me, i'm so lame, i'm so lonely... and stuff. Then, I know it's probably not the best thing, but i listen to music..you know like slipknot and stuff where they're constantly singing about suicide and stuff. But in one of those "get to know me better" email things i said i listen to slipknot when i'm angry. Well the next best thing is to cry it out. Listening to sad songs just gets the tears out betta. *hah, canon in d is a pretty good crying song. Weird to think it fits in some sort of category as slipknot. Wehehell, SOMEone sounds all pro about it.* So well, anyway that's what i do; cry myself to sleep. Then, usually, i'm all betta the next day.
If not, then I plan my suicide.
But I still don't get it. Why me? I mean I haven't gone through some whole traumatic thing or anything damaging. This is the bit that I mean when i say I'm being a little drama queen. I really shouldn't complain, since there are people starving and stuff and I have it all to them. So why should I be so down all the time? I dno and it feels like I have no right to feel like this. It's like when those millionaires, or at least rich people commit suicide, and everyone asks: why? I'm not saying I'm all rich and that I have everything, but I have a life that half the world could be jealous of. I have a loving family, I have great friends, I go to school, I live in a house, I have food and water, I can read and write. So why the hell am i so fucken depressed all the time?
Hah, i wrote a couple of poems while i was depressed. Keep in mind i'm no poetry sorta person and i don't write poetry very often, especially when i'm not forced to. and i like rhyming poems, so it might sound weird:
Take a hold of my hand
And look into my eyes,
See inside my heart
And figure out my lies.
You'll never comprehend
All the darkness in me,
All those fucken demons
Laughing with glee.
Don't be offended,
But this life is shit.
Oh, it's only my opinion,
I'll get over it.
I'll only say it once,
I don't like to cry,
So i'll leave that behind.
This is my final goodbye.
I had to this other bit that went: Seize my shoulders, shake out the pain, stop my crying ...<- i dno wot goes here. See me wane? Keep me sane? Oh not again? Well here's another one. I like this one better. Oh, and just in case these are misleading, i'm not killing myself anytime soon.
Listen to the kids
Who don't have a clue.
Carefree and joyous,
They've never felt blue.
All of these children,
Are having fun.
All are happy,
All but one.
That one was me,
Bullied and teased.
I cut my wrists,
Everyone was pleased.
Well as you might have noticed, I've taken out the "comments" button. Only because if someone did happen to comment, it'd make all this reality. I'm fine with my thoughts and i don't really want to hear whether you care or not, coz if you didn't you wouldn't have even gotten this far. So i really appreciate you reading this. Just ponder about what I've said, forget about it and don't recommend me any sort of professional help.
Kimo.
Well nice of you to find this post. If you don't want to read about me being a little drama queen, then stop reading from now. Well, I can hear you going: you're not a little drama queen, but after you read this, IF you read this, then you might think otherwise. I just want to get all this outta my system, so you really don't need to read the next bit. Well, here goes, and don't think I'm weird after this..i've always been weird.
Well what I wanted to say/ask/ramble on about is: depression. I mean everyone gets depressed once in a while don't they? Well i know i do. it's a sad fact. but that's not what i wanted to say. I also wanted to say, is it still normal if you get it constantly. God, I don't know why i'm telling you this, perfect strangers or best friends out there, but i mean I know everyone has their bad days, but what happens when it turns into a bad week? what happens when what was a once in a long while thing has now turned into a monthly-oh-so-familiar hole that gets deeper everytime you fall into it? Confession: I've been this --> <-- close to full on wanting to commit suicide. It's not a nice thing really, and i hate it.
I actually probably won't ever commit suicide...maybe. When you, Alan, said that i wasn't boring, well actually, that kinda picked me up a little. But actually, my mum made me feel better too. She didn't say anything in particular, but i know she cares. and i think you people do too, or else, why the fuck are you reading this? I know it's gay and all, but little things really do count to someone on the brink of madness.
But seriously, what diff if i did leave this world? Would it affect you? Hopefully. It's just that, when i'm in this hole, i feel like i'm never gonna be as good as anyone else, i'm always a failure, no-one likes me, i'm so lame, i'm so lonely... and stuff. Then, I know it's probably not the best thing, but i listen to music..you know like slipknot and stuff where they're constantly singing about suicide and stuff. But in one of those "get to know me better" email things i said i listen to slipknot when i'm angry. Well the next best thing is to cry it out. Listening to sad songs just gets the tears out betta. *hah, canon in d is a pretty good crying song. Weird to think it fits in some sort of category as slipknot. Wehehell, SOMEone sounds all pro about it.* So well, anyway that's what i do; cry myself to sleep. Then, usually, i'm all betta the next day.
If not, then I plan my suicide.
But I still don't get it. Why me? I mean I haven't gone through some whole traumatic thing or anything damaging. This is the bit that I mean when i say I'm being a little drama queen. I really shouldn't complain, since there are people starving and stuff and I have it all to them. So why should I be so down all the time? I dno and it feels like I have no right to feel like this. It's like when those millionaires, or at least rich people commit suicide, and everyone asks: why? I'm not saying I'm all rich and that I have everything, but I have a life that half the world could be jealous of. I have a loving family, I have great friends, I go to school, I live in a house, I have food and water, I can read and write. So why the hell am i so fucken depressed all the time?
Hah, i wrote a couple of poems while i was depressed. Keep in mind i'm no poetry sorta person and i don't write poetry very often, especially when i'm not forced to. and i like rhyming poems, so it might sound weird:
Take a hold of my hand
And look into my eyes,
See inside my heart
And figure out my lies.
You'll never comprehend
All the darkness in me,
All those fucken demons
Laughing with glee.
Don't be offended,
But this life is shit.
Oh, it's only my opinion,
I'll get over it.
I'll only say it once,
I don't like to cry,
So i'll leave that behind.
This is my final goodbye.
I had to this other bit that went: Seize my shoulders, shake out the pain, stop my crying ...<- i dno wot goes here. See me wane? Keep me sane? Oh not again? Well here's another one. I like this one better. Oh, and just in case these are misleading, i'm not killing myself anytime soon.
Listen to the kids
Who don't have a clue.
Carefree and joyous,
They've never felt blue.
All of these children,
Are having fun.
All are happy,
All but one.
That one was me,
Bullied and teased.
I cut my wrists,
Everyone was pleased.
Well as you might have noticed, I've taken out the "comments" button. Only because if someone did happen to comment, it'd make all this reality. I'm fine with my thoughts and i don't really want to hear whether you care or not, coz if you didn't you wouldn't have even gotten this far. So i really appreciate you reading this. Just ponder about what I've said, forget about it and don't recommend me any sort of professional help.
Kimo.
posted by Kimo @ 1:31 pm
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